I’m starting to think there’s just something off about me.

Brad and I are still talking every day, but I have noticed a change. A shift. Like it’s not going to go anywhere. My feelings aren’t hurt really, I mean I talked last week about how my feelings for Alex are still pretty heavy even though he clearly doesn’t want me either, but I do feel a little confused. Did I do something wrong here?

lolaThings were going at a really nice pace. We had two dates, both of which went very well, and there hasn’t been a single day he hasn’t talked to me or sent me some goofy Snapchat. Am I just totally overthinking this? Or is he slowly losing interest and just being a good guy about it?

I know Brad has kids, and he had a friend in town last week, but still. Is he drifting away or am I just being clingy? He’s a grown man after all. Not that I date younger guys, but typically they’re around my age. Brad’s in his 30s. It’s not like he’s got a lot of free time to just dote over me anyway, so should I even be freaking out? Or should I listen to my intuition, which is pretty strongly telling me he’s losing interest?

lolaIntuition it is. I can’t get caught up in pining away over yet another guy, truly. Especially one as high caliber as Brad, it would just wreck me. So I’m going to do what any smart girl would do – keep my distance. Expect nothing. Stay busy. If he reaches out and wants to hang, cool, maybe. If not, cool. I am literally so unfazed, I’m practically on the moon in an air vacuum thinking about literally nothing at all. Cool as a cucumber.

While I do think Brad’s a great guy, when I really think about it I don’t know if he’s the one for me. I mean, he has kids. And he can’t have anymore because of his very adult decision to have a vasectomy. lolaI’ve never really thought about kids but, would this be something I could deal with? I’ve always said that while I’m definitely not eager to hop on the husband and kids train, I could see myself having a child or two with someone I really, really, really loved. If he and I happened to work … that wouldn’t happen. It’s just something to consider, as well as ease the slight pain of rejection that I am either making up in my head or is very real.

In the meantime, I have a shoot this weekend with Alex that we’ve been planning for about a month now. What does my intuition say about that one? That he likes me. I know he does, and I always have known he does. But it also says that it’s not going to happen, not now at least, because he’s such a freaking mess. Who knows. I’m getting so exhausted with love lately that I just want to not care about any of it.

Until next time.

With Love, Lola