I am taking a break from dating.
I don’t know that I’ve ever really successfully tried this, but after two years of living the single life, crushing hard on one or two guys who just don’t quite seem to want to commit, cycling through ex-boyfriends when I’m bored and going on dates with people I don’t even like … I need a break.
Of course, this will likely be impossible. Just yesterday I saw Alex and of course, there was the usual subtle sexual innuendos and general tension between the two of us. A week and a half from now we’ll be in Florida, when I meet them on the last leg of their summer tour to head to Miami. It wasn’t planned, but a gig is calling me to Tampa the same weekend they have a show there. It makes sense for me to just hitch a ride with the boys, shoot them in Miami then make the trek home.
While I doubt it’ll be as flirtatious and meaningful as the last time I was on the road with them, since I’m taking a break and all, I do wonder what can happen in the span of four days. This is why I think taking a break might be impossible. A mutual friend of ours told me recently that Alex was my benchmark – and that none of my friends were going to take any guy seriously unless it fettered my crush on Alex. Bleakly, I realized it’s true. It’s so freaking true.
But, other than the out-of-my-control crush on Alex, I really am over it. Gus turned out to be so bad, I don’t even want to talk about it. It burned me. Not that I’m emotional over him really, it’s just that it made me realize some patterns I personally have developed in my dating habits, and how at this age I should know better.
The truth is I don’t know anything. I don’t know if I want a relationship or to be single. I don’t know if I want to go cold turkey or keep a friend with benefits. I don’t know if I want to ever get married or if I want to grow old with someone. I just. Don’t. Know.
So, I give up. (For now.) Expect my next column to either be “What To Do Now That You’ve Given Up On Love,” or “Alex and Lola Finally Kissed.”
There is no other option.
With Love, Lola