You know what really sucks?

Thinking that someone is a nice person and then they turn out not to be.

In hindsight, I should have seen this one coming. The age difference alone should have been my first red flag. But like I have done so often before, I let myself get carried away.

I believed him when he said I wasn’t like other girls, maybe because I hadn’t heard it in a while. I believed him when he said he wanted to know my heart  and that he could see himself falling in love with me – yeah … that should have been corny enough to know what was to come.

I let my guard down. Seemingly sweet and good ole Gus knew every nerve to hit to make me think we were falling in love, and then once I did let that guard down – he disappeared. And I should have seen it coming the whole time.

I guess it boils down to this: adults don’t get in the sandbox with children for anything other than to play games. Lesson learned.

Anyway, we all know I’m really just waiting on Alex to realize he’s madly in love with me so I guess it doesn’t matter. After asking my friends if he’s talked about me, telling Daniella “Then there’s that whole thing with Lola,” and generally just dropping subtle hints, I can’t help myself. It’s hard to get over someone who keeps asking about you and flirting with you on the low.

For instance, the boys had a big show over the weekend and they pulled out all the stops. One of those stops were new stage outfits, and dang did they all look great.

But Alex, in particular, looked amazing. I stood at stage right with a friend while they set up, still wearing their regular clothes. A few minutes of mic checking later, the boys disappeared backstage. They each made their way out, finding their instruments and getting ready to play. But when Alex walked out, his eyes looked DIRECTLY AT ME and stayed there as he strut across the stage. I stared back, trying not to let it show on my face how utterly stunning he looked.

When our eyes finally broke contact, I looked right at the girl friend I was with and said, “You saw that, right? That wasn’t just me that saw that.” And yep, she saw it. He gave me a Look. And it wasn’t the only Look we shared that night.

It’s frustrating, and a repetitive cycle of Looks and flirting. I should be over it. But I’m just not. It is what it is. I’m sure I’ll meet a new guy to distract me soon enough, but in the meantime I feel what I feel. Until next time.

With Love, Lola